The Origin of Hobbits
by Trollmela
Summary: In Rivendell, the origin of Hobbits is discussed. Much to the Dwarves' horror, there is a theory where they play a prominent role alongside the elves.


_**Note: **This story is based on no facts that I could find. According to the usual Tolkien encyclopedias, Hobbits are only related to men. I thought it would be an amusing idea to write anyway. The hobbit ears were asking for it._

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"What a fascinating coincidence," Elrond mused.

Gandalf hummed questioningly at him and the elf lord indicated his guests and his people.

"Elves, dwarves and their children," he said.

Gandalf laughed. "Yes, indeed. I had not thought of that before."

To Elrond's surprise, the hobbit laughed and turned to them. Apparently, his Sindarin was good enough to have understood them.

"You're right!" Bilbo said, suddenly quite fascinated himself. "I thought none of the elves or dwarves spoke of it?"

"You're aware of the hobbits' origins then?" Elrond returned.

"Well, yes, although there are many who believe it to be merely rumours. I mean, it doesn't explain the hair on our feet. Or our fertility rate which is, with all due respect, Lord Elrond, much higher than that of the elves or the dwarves!"

"Personally I always thought that to be a joking blessing from the Valar," the half-elf mused.

By now, Kili had taken note of their conversation, and was watching them with great interest.

"Is it common knowledge among the elves then?" Bilbo inquired, quite fascinated himself.

"We are aware of the _possibility_, yes," a rather sour-faced elf replied.

"Oh, come on, Erestor!" A different, blond-haired one joined. "I've always found hobbits to be a quite quaint people. We could certainly do worse in our relations."

"I have nothing against Hobbits," Erestor replied. "But the thought of our own kind lying with dwarves…" the elf grimaced.

"What?!" Kili cried out in horror, drawing all the other dwarves' attention. "An elf lay with a dwarf?!"

A sudden, very deadly silence followed.

"Well, to be fair," Glorfindel finally said, "for an entire race to be begotten, I doubt there was just _one_ elf and _one_ dwarf involved."

"A lie!" Dwalin cried out, jumping off his seat and towering over the rest of the party. He thumbed his fist on the table so hard that it nearly broke.

"What is the meaning of this?" Thorin demanded.

"We were only discussing where Hobbits come from," Glorfindel replied.

After a while, the exiled king's expression cleared with unhappy understanding. He, too, knew then.

"So… hobbits are really the offspring of elves and dwarves lying with each other?" Ori asked hesitantly.

"And you knew?" Kili demanded from his uncle.

Thorin grimaced.

"I'd once heard it as a rumour. Whether it's true or not I cannot say."

The dwarves collectively turned to Bilbo.

The hobbit reddened and shifted uncomfortably at being the centre of their attention.

"I don't know what you want me to say. Yes, there is a passage in our annals that claims so. Our ancestors wandered aimlessly for years before settling in the Shire, and some say that the reason we live nearer men than elves or dwarves is because they shunned us due to those origins. But really, those sources are dreadfully unreliable, everyone knows that. And mind you, while we Hobbits do have some things in common with dwarves and elves, it does not explain the hair on our feet or how the average hobbit family has anything between five and ten children."

"Ten children?" Fili repeated in shocked awe. The other dwarves were also very surprised. Thorin waved it off.

"There you go then. That should be proof enough that Hobbits cannot possibly be the result of elves and dwarves lying with each other. Mahal knows, neither of us are often blessed with many children."

Bilbo laughed nervously.

"And besides," he said, "our annals also clearly insist that we are related to men."

Glorfindel shrugged. "Perhaps they came in later..."

Thorin glared at him so fiercely, that the elf decided to drop the subject. Bilbo was probably most relived of all.

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_Thanks for reading, I hope you liked it. Reviews are always appreciated._


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